Couple and Marriage Counselling Benefits

When providing couples counselling sessions, the values that many say they desire in their relationship are:

• good communication

• compromise

• respect

• safety

• intimacy

The main goal of a couples therapy session is to guide and help a couple improve how their interact with each other after their challenges have not been resolved or healed. 

So, how do we get this done?

First, we focus on each individual to try and work on themselves, while working together to identify the negative cycle that maybe occurring and hopes to create change together. 

During this time, the ability to have the couple learn that the partner is not the ‘problem’, but the negative cycle and perceptions that couples have of each other is, which increases the issues among the couple. It is also a process where both partners will be learning about each other regarding each other’s desires, thoughts and feelings while validating each other’s perspectives and understanding of the situation.

When working with couples from different cultural backgrounds, often it is noted that couples will wait until the problems are very serious and each partner does not have the ability to trust each other and question if therapy will help the process. 

What challenges do interracial couples face? Common concerns and issues that tend to be discussed during sessions are the following:

• In-laws: living with extending families of different generations mixed in with different perceptions depending on the gender of the family member.

• Financial: borrowing money from extended family members or sending money back to the native country for other family members who rely on support.

• Addictions: Concerns of different coping mechanisms or accepted behaviours, such as alcohol, gambling and drug abuse.

• Cultural expectations: Living in Canada but with a mindset and value system that are taught from country of birth.  This creates a bicultural identity and confusion of not knowing how to identify with different values.

In order to get through challenges that arise from multicultural relationships, sessions will discuss how to manage conflict between the partners, figure out what each partner feels is their value or priority, look at the perspectives from a positive lens, and understand the other person’s world of where their own anxiety, stress and perspective comes from.

To manage expectations, much of the first few sessions tend to be a space to allows each partner to open up, give their narrative as to what the problem is. This normally this results in defensiveness because of the high anxiety, fear and disappointment of not being able to be acknowledged and heard from their partner. 

However, using strategies of narrative therapy, strong active listening and allowing each partner to listen to their partner’s ‘story’, ensuring the partner is hearing the way the story is being told, is one way to start a positive therapy experience.

Another way to help couples who have different cultural backgrounds is having the ability to speak the native language at home.  Language can make a big impact on how perspectives are seen by each partner and how tone and words are used when having a conversation. This can help ensure there are no bias from the therapist and or assumptions that can take part of the problem the couple initially came into solve.

Overall, couples counselling, regardless of different cultural backgrounds, can be helpful and a tool that can be used to help partners hear each other’s story and acknowledge the negative cycle that often gets ignored because of the recurring arguments and disagreements. 

Marriage counselling sessions will provide a safe space to find the path to your goals and desires that were originally noted, which include good communication, compromise, respect, safety and intimacy!

— Written by Aman Dhaliwal, Owner, Breathe Counselling Edmonton BA, MSW, RSW

Breathe Counselling is a south Edmonton-based mental health clinic in Alberta, designed to listen, help, and coach those needing counselling and therapy. We specialize in couple’s counselling, men’s mental health and counselling, cultural therapy for newcomers, anxiety & depression, work stress management, life transition & loss. Hindi, Punjabi and Urdu counselling services are available through in-person, virtual or phone call sessions by visiting breathecounselling.ca.